My Humble Website

Monday, January 9, 2012

Longest Password

We laugh but her ID is safe. During a recent password audit by Microsoft & Google, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento" When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'



(You're gonna lovethis....)






She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark

Friday, May 7, 2010

Words of Wisdom from Will Rogers

Will Rogers was quite the cowboy, with all the wisdom of simple, honest folk. His words still ring with common sense today...


Simple but Brilliant and full of truths! Enjoy!


Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.

Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman ....

... Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring . He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Larry's Proverbs

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14 OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death�. twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2009

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2009

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought For 2009

"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; What you do today, might Burn Your behind Tomorrow"


... Thanks Teryll

Monday, October 26, 2009

On my favorite taverns.

Spoke today with psych about the amount of time I have been spending in the Hole in the Wall and Eagle Tavern. Since I have been back in San Francisco, I have spent a lot of my days there. Some say too many. When I brought this up, he asked a simple question. "Why do you go there?"

First... kind of like the slightly over-weight going to the Lone Star (A bear bar) so he can feel small and dainty.

Mundanes walk in the Hole. Their eyes get big and they turn around and run. The hard-core tweeked out wingnut gets chased out by the regulars. I have never been anything resembling "normal". There I almost feel that way. ("normal" is a curse-word there.)

Pressing on with discussion on the whys and hows we get to my motive. Simply to go be social. I don't like being drunk or stoned. A buzz is on thing. Blitzed is another. I have had the same bottle of booze at home for almost 2 years and an unopened one from my last birthday (in April)

Most of the people at the Hole and the Eagle know I am... odd. (to say the least) They (sorta) like me anyway. Or at least tolerate me without too much denegration.

He laughed when I said it was my "cheers".

The trap of course is finding myself unable to socialize without booze.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Right Turn Driver.

I want to offer my apology to the poor driver who had to wait for his right turn long enough for me to get out of the crosswalk. I know how hard it must have been for you to move your foot all the way from the gas pedal to the brake.

While I got to enjoy the cold weather, you were confined to your comfortable seat and heated interior for those horrid couple of seconds it took me to get out of the crosswalk. It must have been truly terrible for you.

My knee injury prevents me from jumping out of your way as quickly as I would like. Of course my physical well-being is nothing compared to your inconvenience.

I hope this note will get to you. I hope it will make up for nasty looks and obscene gestures that I somehow caused you to send my way. I can only guess it was for daring to slow your day for so long.